The gentlebirth.org website is provided courtesy of
Ronnie Falcao, LM MS,
a homebirth midwife in Mountain View, CA
The gentlebirth.org website is provided courtesy of
Ronnie Falcao, LM MS,
a homebirth midwife in Mountain View, CA
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you can still catch the mini-segments: Birth Orgasms: Women Speak Out - Is it possible to have an orgasm during childbirth? Women Who Prefer Home Birth - For some, delivering a healthy child doesn"t involve a trip to the hospital. [Note - the associated article says, "Modern medicine means not having to go through childbirth alone." It"s more accurate to say "Responsible modern medicine means reserving risky interventions for when the benefits outweigh the risks." I know lots of responsible women who give birth at home with the perfect birth team . . . their partner, their midwife and their doula. They are definitely not alone, and they have all the medical assistance they need, just like a woman giving birth with a midwife in a hospital! Savvy people know the difference between midwife-assisted homebirth and unassisted birth.] The Orgasmic Birth web site
also has a lot of great information about birth in general:
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The
importance of reciprocity in relationships between community-based midwives
and mothers.
Hunter B.
Midwifery. 2006 Apr 5; [Epub ahead of print]
We all talk about bonding with our baby, but what about the bond which
also happens between a pregnant woman and her midwife? After the
birth of Harry and the 10 day checks I was really, really sorry to see
my midwife leave my life. She had become a good friend to me and
saw me through one of the most intimate phases of my life. I was
lucky that the main midwife I saw during my pregnancy also insisted on
staying with me for the birth of my son.
When the baby is born, everyone in the room is under the influence of
the mother and baby's very strong baby hormones (endorphins). As
a midwife, I feel that it's not my place to intrude on that circle, that
any bonding energy focused on me detracts from the family's bonding, but
sometimes the birthing women try to draw me in. Do women feel that
they want the midwife to be part of that bonding circle, even though her
time with the family is necessarily limited? Does this seem to increase
the feelings of loss and abandonment when you no longer have those regular
visits with her?
Knowing that the relationship would eventually end I would prefer her
to fade into the background, but not too much. After all we
did spend 9 months together. We included our midwife and attendants
in everything we did. When it came time to say good-bye I was sad
and wished our relationship could continue. I still think about her
and wish I could see her. In reality she can not possibly
bond with everyone she attends. Nor would it be fair to her to expect her
too.
From a midwife point of view, I'm acutely aware that a birthing woman is just gushing with bonding hormones after the birth. It's my feeling that these bonding hormones are best used to help her bond with her baby, her partner, and whoever else is going to be around to help with this baby for another 18 years.
I try very hard not to insinuate myself inappropriately in that first hour or so after birth. I know some midwives who take advantage of this time to build "loyalty" in their clientele. They may not be conscious of it, but I know they make a point of being part of the "family circle" after the birth. I think it's inappropriate, and I think it increases the woman's feelings of abandonment when the midwife moves on to helping the next client, as she must.
Now, having said that, I really like most of my clients on a personal level, and yes, I miss them. I think of all my clients almost all the time. Every time I drive through someone's neighborhood, I'll think of driving there on the night of the birth. I'll be reminded of clients by the silliest things. And, yes, this is one of the sweetest parts of being a midwife - feeling that connection to all those wonderful families in the community.
Just today, I found myself driving behind a mini-van with a bumper sticker, "Support Your Local Midwife". I wanted to stop them to see whether it might be one of my clients.
I guess it's a little like the way parents must feel when their children
grow up and leave home. You feel proud that you did a good job of
seeing them through this rite of passage, and you also know that a huge
part of that job was getting them to a point where they feel enough confidence
to move on to the next step.
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