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Poetry about Anguish from Cesarean

THE HOSPITAL

Where are my legs?
Why can't I feel them?
Why am I so cold?
Why do I feel so sick?
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

Where's my husband?
Why can't I see him?
Why am I so alone?
Why do I feel so scared?
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

Where's my baby?
Why can't I see her?
Why can't I hold her?
Why do I feel so left out?
This was supposed to be a HAPPY occasion.

Where did everyone go?
Why can't I go too?
Why am I so alone?
Why do I have to hurt so much?
This was SUPPOSED to be a happy occasion.

Where did the time go?
Where is my baby?
Why can't I see her?
Why won't they let me hold her?
THIS was supposed to be a happy occasion.

Where did everyone come from?
Where is MY baby?
Why won't they let ME hold her?
Why does it hurt so much?
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

When will they leave me alone?
What is the matter with me?
Why am I so sad?
Why does it hurt SO MUCH?
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

Why are THEY so happy?
Why am I so sad?
When can I go home?
When will it stop hurting?
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

HOME
I'm finally here.
My husband is here.
My baby is here.
My pain is here.
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

Everyone left, FINALLY.
We're here, our little family.
Mom, Dad, Baby.
PAIN.
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

We get to feed her.
We get to rock her.
We get to change her diapers-all of them.
I can't go anywhere without my pain.
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

I'm healing!
She's growing, crawling, walking.
Dad's working.
The pain is back.
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

That pain has changed.
The cut is healed.
The stitches are gone.
The pain of lost dreams remains.
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.

LAURA PAXTON
3/31/97,
in memory of the birth by
Cesarean of my beautiful daughter Frances,
who is now 3 years old